Monday, August 31, 2009

ANGST (my favorite word right now)

anxiety

fear

apprehension

worry

foreboding

trepidation

malaise

disquiet

disquietude

unease

uneasiness

Have you ever known any of these feeling?????

I spent part of my summer under a dark cloud which I didn't talk about much, but every day life seemed darker and darker. One morning as I faced my day, the weight upon my heart was a black burden bearing my spirit some place I didn't want to go.

I was pretty sure it was situational....so I examined the whole thing, delved into circumstances, and came up with two pretty big situations that were burdening me down.

#1 The Speaker of the House had made an announcement about mid-summer, that any one who did not agree with the proposed health plan was
unamerican! I took that statement to heart and let it ruminate within...and it did ruminate!!

I had and still have many questions about the proposed health care plan. I have read large segments of it and it left me frankly, distressed. My biggest concern was the speed which it was being railroaded down our throats, without the leaders having read it all, We need health care reform in this country, but my questions were what is the rush, other than to get it through, regardless of errors and what it truly meant to us as Americans.

But the main thought for me was that I have always felt like a good American. I have tried to live right, to pay what I owe the government, have been law-abiding, and very patriotic! Now, I'm told I am not a good American if I question the health care plan. I began to feel
oppressed, loss of freedom of my thoughts and in the ability to express them without censure, and I began to grieve for my America. My fickle mind took me down many trails, and I, for a time, forgot Whose I am, I think!

#2 About this same time, some spokesman from the White House, gave out an email address and asked us to report any
negative emails we received about the health plan, and from whom it came.

That almost sent me over the edge!!

Is this America.....

or
pre-war Germany where school children were encouraged to report their parents if they weren't totally for the regime,

or was this Russia where people were encouraged to report any Christian gatherings to the
hierarchy.

I could not believe that such a site had been set up for tattling on one another in MY America! (The site has recently been shut down)


From these two situations, I allowed my mind to take me to the darkest places in thinking where this sort of thing could lead.

However, as I pondered all of this that had been ruminating for several weeks, I realized that I had not turned to the Source of healing and peace, and in getting into the Scriptures I found solace and comfort in the following scriptures.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’


Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling.
Selah

4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Selah

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made
desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge.
Selah

and last, but not least.....

Psalms 37
look it up...and be blessed

Gradually, the blackness lifted and I began to appreciate that if and when I have to face terrible trials in my own country, I have to believe that the Spirit of God will give me what I need to face whatever it is. In the meantime, I only have to live moment to moment....and not borrow tomorrow's troubles.

A friend reminded me of this truth...
Time is an instant on the line of eternity.
We are not in control!

This is an account of a real spiritual battle I faced this summer. It was not written with any intent to offend anyone whose beliefs are different from mine. This is an account of my reality....and my peace at last.

I wish the Speaker of the House could have known those
who were born and raised in this farm house
where patriotism was taught, right along with the Word of God.
They were the "salt of the earth".
They were my heritage!

God Bless America!!

14 comments:

Sassy Granny ... said...

I LOVE the post! In particular I was captivated by your honesty and transparency. I could easily envision the battle you've been waging, and found myself cheering you on.

I also appreciate the concerns you have for this great country. I share them, as does most everyone I know (especially those of us that have rounded the senior-citizen corner). You rightly refocus us. This is not our home, and we are not alone.

The blog makeover is fabulous.

Be blessed, my friend. I love hearing from your heart!

Hugs,
Kathleen

Anonymous said...

"THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME,
I'M JUST A PASSIN' THRO'...."

A "great post" means it RESONATES across the board....and I would say this is a Great Post!...voicing as it does the self-same concerns many of us have been wrestling with over the past months.

Your sharing in such a vulnerable honest way validates our own angst
and brings hope that "this too will pass"....

THANX!!

ELS

Robin @ Be Still and Know said...

Well said my friend!

I think most of us are feeling some kind of angst about the turn that this country has taken! It is so very upsetting when you feel helpless when you see things happening that you ever thought you would ever see.

But you are so right, when things become out of control, we know where to look. We look to the steadfast God who sees all things! It will be up to the remnant to remain faithful and to endure the unpleasant circumstances that the majority have asked for!

1TH 5:17 pray continually;

Blessings
Robin

You are not alone in your feelings!

Joanne@ Blessed... said...

A friend of mine had to be hospitalized with chest pains over the issues our country has been facing. She is such a beautiful woman, but had to take a break from the news and talk radio. I for one can get so riled up if I'm listening for too long. I find it no coincidence that we stopped our cable at the same time the elections were taking place last year. I have had more peace than I can say!

Coming from a very strong patriotic home, it is always frightening when I see freedoms being taken away and the government becoming bigger and bigger. So many people have no idea, they don't pay attention. Maybe people will pay more attention and actually come out and vote at our next election.

Praying His will not mine be done.

Loved this post friend.

Kim said...

You were not alone in that battle this summer, Joan!

Thanks for the post.

By the way, we're still here! :) (I wasn't exactly sure what you meant by that question on my blog, but I hope to have a new post or two this week.)

The Things We Carried said...

Many of us have carried your same concerns. The email thing caught me the most. What is happening to our freedom of speech? Will we become afraid to speak openly as our country has prided itself on? some of the health care plan reminded me of a science fiction novel. Then I ask myself, should we be writing this in a public forum at all?!

Amy said...

Dear Joan,
This has caused me much anxiety too. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I've been praying my guts out that it would not pass. It is SO vexing to hear congress say that all the resistance is "fabricated" by radical right wing liberals. Where's the liberal open mindedness in that???? It is clear that MILLIONS...I dare say the majority of Americans are not supportive of it and are expressing themselves, yet they say blatently that they're going to "push it through" no matter what.
I too feel that I no longer live in a free country! May God help us!

Anonymous said...

You are not alone at thinking about our situation we have in America. I have and I also know many others that have had the same feelings of what is happening to our country.
I am glad you have shared your feelings and know God is the answer to all our woes.
Glad you will be taking your trip on a cruise. I am happy you can get away to relax.

LOVE & HUGS
Carole

sister sheri said...

Oh, Joan... WELCOME BACK! What a poignant and timely post. How I haven't wanted to write one like this... but could not get past my emotions to do so... but you... you hit the nail on the head... and how these words resonate with so many of us.

Thank you for coming back... and for being an encouragement.

God bless you, dear precious sister of my soul!

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom.

I just spent some time on your blog and you do have a way with
words. Thank you for sharing how many of us feel. We just don't know where or how to say it.

I do love you

Jon

Mary Isabella and Kiley too! said...

I have been reading all of your new post and catching up with you. How are you and how are you feeling? I wish you a great weekend...m..

Sally said...

Joan,
I too have felt this way much of the time this summer for the same reasons, however I could never put my thoughts into such wonderful words as you. I have been many times referred to the scripture in Psalms 46 by my Heavely Father. I find the hardest part is letting go and letting HIM handle the situation for us. I too am so worried about the path our America is taking. I see nothing good from all indications, but God knows best and from reading His word I know these things must come to pass, however it doesn't make it any less disheartening. In my family we were raised to love our country and to fear God. Too bad our families no longer seem to instill those values into their lives today. Had that been the case I am sure we our country wouldn't be in this mess at this time.

Technonana said...

My Sweet Sister... you have voiced what so many of us have felt and are feeling!!! AND YOU ARE MOST DEFINITLY NOT ALONE!! The things we hear and see in the news are most certainly cause for concern. As an American that was raised in the 50s and 60s, I so understand what you say about your heritage and patriatism. In our household there was never a question about how we felt about our country. Even though you and I come from different parts of this great nation, I feel that you are indeed My Sister, in so many many ways!!
Praise God... He is in control!!
Love you, Sweet Sister!!
Sharon

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.