ANGST (my favorite word right now)

anxiety

fear

apprehension

worry

foreboding

trepidation

malaise

disquiet

disquietude

unease

uneasiness

Have you ever known any of these feeling?????

I spent part of my summer under a dark cloud which I didn't talk about much, but every day life seemed darker and darker. One morning as I faced my day, the weight upon my heart was a black burden bearing my spirit some place I didn't want to go.

I was pretty sure it was situational....so I examined the whole thing, delved into circumstances, and came up with two pretty big situations that were burdening me down.

#1 The Speaker of the House had made an announcement about mid-summer, that any one who did not agree with the proposed health plan was unamerican! I took that statement to heart and let it ruminate within...and it did ruminate!!

I had and still have many questions about the proposed health care plan. I have read large segments of it and it left me frankly, distressed. My biggest concern was the speed which it was being railroaded down our throats, without the leaders having read it all, We need health care reform in this country, but my questions were what is the rush, other than to get it through, regardless of errors and what it truly meant to us as Americans.

But the main thought for me was that I have always felt like a good American. I have tried to live right, to pay what I owe the government, have been law-abiding, and very patriotic! Now, I'm told I am not a good American if I question the health care plan. I began to feel oppressed, loss of freedom of my thoughts and in the ability to express them without censure, and I began to grieve for my America. My fickle mind took me down many trails, and I, for a time, forgot Whose I am, I think!

#2 About this same time, some spokesman from the White House, gave out an email address and asked us to report any negative emails we received about the health plan, and from whom it came.

That almost sent me over the edge!!

Is this America.....

or pre-war Germany where school children were encouraged to report their parents if they weren't totally for the regime,

or was this Russia where people were encouraged to report any Christian gatherings to the hierarchy.

I could not believe that such a site had been set up for tattling on one another in MY America! (The site has recently been shut down)


From these two situations, I allowed my mind to take me to the darkest places in thinking where this sort of thing could lead.

However, as I pondered all of this that had been ruminating for several weeks, I realized that I had not turned to the Source of healing and peace, and in getting into the Scriptures I found solace and comfort in the following scriptures.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah

4 There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.
6 The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved;
He uttered His voice, the earth melted.

7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
Who has made desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

11 The LORD of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah

and last, but not least.....

Psalms 37
look it up...and be blessed

Gradually, the blackness lifted and I began to appreciate that if and when I have to face terrible trials in my own country, I have to believe that the Spirit of God will give me what I need to face whatever it is. In the meantime, I only have to live moment to moment....and not borrow tomorrow's troubles.

A friend reminded me of this truth...

Time is an instant on the line of eternity.
We are not in control!

This is an account of a real spiritual battle I faced this summer. It was not written with any intent to offend anyone whose beliefs are different from mine. This is an account of my reality....and my peace at last.

I wish the Speaker of the House could have known those
who were born and raised in this farm house
where patriotism was taught, right along with the Word of God.
They were the "salt of the earth".
They were my heritage!

God Bless America!!

Finding My Purse Has Gone to My Head!

I'm still rejoicing over finding my purse whole!

My brother and his wife found a good deal for a cruise, so today I signed up to go with them!!

I think yesterday's adventure has gone to my head!

So..........come October, I'll be sailing off to the Mexican Rivera for a little R and R! (Lord willing, that is!)

Let me show you my home away from home for those seven days.......


Anyone else looking for a good deal, contact me and I'll give you the details!
It is basically a two for one price for the cabin.

The Elusve Purse

Today. I. Lost. My. Purse.

My first errand of the day was to run into Michaels and get a punch I have been wanting with my 40% off coupon. I added a few more things, went through check-out, parked my basket, and went to my car where I tossed my sack of purchases onto the passenger seat.

As I pulled up to my second errand of the day, I reached over to grab my purse......and it wasn't there. I searched the car....and nothing.

It was at this point I began imagining that people were already at my home, knowing it was empty, robbing me, etc. I thought about having to replace everything in my wallet--driver's license, my cards, etc. and I panicked!!

I began to pray--I begged the Lord for it to be back at Michaels some place. I prayed earnestly all the way back.

I first checked the carts--not there. I went to one of the checkers and she didn't know anything about a purse being turned in.

She sent me to another checker. I was still praying, but was getting more rattled as the moments passed.

The second checker said yes a purse was found in an empty basket and she asked me to describe it for her. I immediately said, "It is multicolored with polka dots."

She looked at me strangely, but held up my purse.


I thanked her profusely, thanked the Lord over and over and went on my way rejoicing!

I learned that my brain doesn't work too well under pressure...(well, actually it doesn't work too well anytime!!) and how I ever left my purse in that cart, I will never figure out. (I had taken my car keys out of the purse, obviously, since I was able to drive the car to errand two)

The lesson here is for me pay attention more closely to my actions. I still cannot believe that I left my purse in that basket! I am so grateful that the Lord looked after this old lady in my real hour of need!! I'm just praising him with a smile on my face all afternoon! Wonderful ending to
my carelessness! Thank you, Lord!!

A Letter from Iraq

Sarah is the daughter of a friend of mine. Her Mom has shared her letters with me since Sarah was in basic training over two years ago. She was deployed to Iraq in July as a trained paramedic. It is her first love.....however she has a commanding officer who discovered she knows the computer rather well, and she is currently being kept in an office. Understandably, she is upset not to be doing what she has trained for and loves so much.

This letter came and it was so poignant, in the hymn she shares, as well as her expressed affection for her parents, that I wanted to share it. I think every mother's heart will appreciate this girl's heart for the Lord and her desire to serve him with gladness in all she does. I think most mother's hearts would love to receive a letter like this. I have found Sarah's letters to be so open and honest that I am always refreshed when one of her missiles arrives.

Her letters have kept me remembering what our service people go through in these bleak, desert countries and some of the verses to her hymn certainly describe her situation.

With Sarah's permission, I share this letter with you.

8-14-09
My darling mother,

I love you. I don't think I say that enough and I do. You and Dad have
taught me so much about how to live, how to love and what to value. Because
of you I know how precious life is and how to rejoice when it is good and at
least try to be patient and accepting and as as joyful as possible when it's
not. Thank you.

Tonight I went up to the diving board, "my special place" and I was singing
softly to myself and "Blessed Be Your Name" came to mind. Honestly it comes
to mind often here.

Blessed be your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your Name.

Blessed be your Name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your Name.

Chorus:
Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your Name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious Name

Blessed be your Name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your Name.

Blessed be your Name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name.

Chorus

You give and take away,
You give and take away,
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your Name!

A fellow in a different company was hit and lost a leg. One of my buddies
was the medic that treated him. I hate not being able to comfort, I hate not
being able to ease the pain, I hate that the world's not as it should be and
never can be until God reigns supreme! What is it you say? Come now Lord
Jesus! I pray fervently that His healing hand would be on that soldier and
that He would also bring comfort and healing to my friend.

I love you and am so thankful for you! Be Strong and Courageous! Know that I
am in the Lord's hand, I am confidant of that, I hope you are as well!

Always, and eternally, His,

Your daughter, Sarah

Since this letter was written, it appears that her desire to tend to the wounded is going happen.

"I got the word today that I will be allowed to go on convoys. I know this
isn't exciting news to you but I have felt distanced from my fellow soldiers
being at the TOC and having the opportunity to be with them is something I
cherish. I'm not assigned to one for over a month and I won't be able to
tell you when I go out but know that I am in the Lord's hand wherever I am!
As are you, for which I'm so thankful."

I'm back....and I'm a year older!!

Some things I learned this summer as I turned 77!

I thought these were true and pretty cute!

Its important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle!

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

Age is mind over matter...if you don't mind, it doesn't matter!

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old!

...and having spent the week with my high energy, almost 16 year old grandson, tonight I am definitely feeling old....and a little out of touch, as I watch his fingers flying over the cell phone texting. I have to wonder what happened to conversation?????